Living Inside My Mind

So, I think she is pretty but I can't say a thing, which is what I hate the most.  For all I know she could end up liking me but I won't know at this rate because I can't even talk to her.  I don't understand what it is inside me that makes it so hard.  There is some barrier that I cannot break through.  I feel like even if she ended up not liking me, that would be better than just sitting around wondering.  Yet this is not enough for me to do anything.  I wish I was better at this.  I wish I could do something.  I'm tired of wondering what could be, because all it does is hurt me.

The Secret Handshake

Oh no.
Staring at my shoes
Wonderin' what to do
Don't know where I'm headed
Who does have a clue
Anyone... anyone
I wanted I wanted I wanted
I said that I wanted you
Anyone... anyone
Wanted you
I wanted I wanted I wanted
I said that I wanted you...

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The Calendar Hung Itself

Well the clock's heart it hangs inside its open chest 

With hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself 

But I will not weep for those dying days. 
For all the ones who've left there's a few that stayed. 
And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.
- Bright Eyes


Although I do not weep anymore, it still hurts and keeps me up at times.

Roslyn

Up with your turret
Aren't we just terrified? 
She’ll scream your worry from what you won't ever find

Don't let it fool you 
Don't let it fool you...down 
Dancing around, folds in her gown 

Sea and the rock below 
Caught in the undertow
Bones, blood and teeth erode, they will be crashing low

Wings wouldn't help you 
Wings wouldn't help you...down 
Down fells the ground, gravity smiled

You barely are blinking 
Wagging your face around 
When'd this just become a mortal home? 

Won't, won't, won't, won't 

Won't let you talk me 
Won't let you talk me…down 
We’ll pull it taut, nothing let out


This is a song by Bon Iver and St. Vincent.  It is sadly from the New Moon soundtrack :( but I love Bon Iver too much to care.  You have to listen to the song to get the full effect but it is AMAZING!  It is songs like this and the Sufjan Stevens' song from my previous post that remind me why I love music so much.  The beauty of the instruments and the power of the lyrics that make you truly feel something.  


I don't know what I would do without music. It has always been a huge part of my life and a constant with in it.  I can see very clearly a picture of me when I'm 2 years old or so, wearing my dad's headphones which have to be almost the size of my face.  Music has such a power in it.  You or at least I can always find music to fit the mood I'm in, which helps to keep me in the good ones and bring me out of the bad ones.  I have never been great with words when it comes to expressing the stronger emotions.  I can however find a song or a group of songs that express it for me.  


So I guess this is my thank you letter to music because I don't thank it enough. I thank God also for allowing us to be able to create and share music with each other.

To Be Alone With You

I'd swim across lake Michigan
I'd sell my shoes
I'd give my body to be back again
In the rest of the room

To be alone with you
To be alone with you
To be alone with you
To be alone with you

You gave your body to the lonely
They took your clothes
You gave up a wife and a family
You gave your goals

To be alone with me
To be alone with me
To be alone with me
You went up on a tree

To be alone with me you went up on the tree

I'll never know the man who loved me


-Sufjan Stevens

Spring Break

Spring break starts tomorrow, after classes of course. I am both excited and reflective at this time. My spring break plans have changed a lot over the last few weeks. On one hand I'm excited to be able to relax and not worry about school for a week. On the other hand I used to have a lot of plans for this break. Now I have to go through it without those plans and knowing that I would probably being doing this or that right now. I have moments where I think way too much on these things and it weighs me down. I don't want them hovering over me the whole break.

I want to move on but I feel like something happens or comes up that won't allow me to.

I pray that He will be close during this break and guide me towards things that will keep my mind off stuff. I pray that He will give me strength during these times and I thank Him for the amazing people He has surrounded me with.

"If ever you come near I'll hold up high a mirror. Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You." -mewithoutYou